My conversion story as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints isn't like one you hear over the pulpit, or share with mission buddies, or declare proudly in a circle of friends who joined the Church later in life. My story has been ongoing, from the day I was born into the covenant to the very moment I sit writing these words. Even today my testimony of fasting and revelation were strengthened, as I fasted longer than I've done since I started the pregnant-nursing-pregnant cycle and have worked, over time, to lengthen my fasting day. My story is little-by-little, "grace for grace," growing day by day as I strive towards the perfection of Jesus (Doctrine & Covenants 93:12-13, John 1:16, Luke 2:52). Over time I have learned to follow in His footsteps. It's a daily process.
In the Book of Mormon, in Alma Chapter 5, we read about Alma the younger giving up his political position as chief judge (actually, that happens in Chapter 4) to focus on the spiritual needs of the people. Chapter 5 to me feels like the toughest temple recommend interview in history (or perhaps an exit interview? Alma does ask if we'd feel comfortable meeting our maker imminently). Alma asks deep, provoking questions that cause one to pause, think, reflect, and look inside oneself. One of these questions stuck out to me while reading this interview long ago. It says:
"if ye have experienced a achange of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the bsong of redeeming love, I would ask, ccan ye feel so now?" (Alma 5:26)
Readers of the Book of Mormon are familiar with the story of Alma the younger. We have suffered with him as he agonized over his sins as a young man, but felt the glory of redemption through his salvation. Having had moments of sincere repentance myself, Alma's story has been significant to me for a long time. That he now poses this question--historically to the Nephites of Zarahemla, but preserved in scripture for all of us--I feel the ardent desire to boldly declare that yes I have felt to sing the song of redeeming love--shout it from the mountaintops, even. And yes I can feel it now.
There are times in life when this feeling cycles in and out. I can relate to the Nephites in this way, struggling to make things better, depending on the Lord, being blessed for it, then getting a little prideful and forgetting. Every time I go through that cycle and repent, I strive to be at least a bit better. I guess I am still human.
One thing I've learned over time is that the Lord speaks to people in the way they listen best. The Lord knows me personally; he knows my heart. He knows how much I genuinely love music (even though my gift for music is more of an appreciation than notable personal talent). I have found over the years that the Spirit has been able to reach me through songs, and often not even hymns. (Bless my rebellious soul; I tend to look at hymns as more routine than inspirational, but I do have a few beautiful exceptions.)
So in an effort to preserve these moments--some of them singular, some repetitive--I hope to share with you my songs of redeeming love--the playlist of my life that proves to me in small ways over and over that God is real and He loves me. It is my hope and prayer that through this testimony, you will start to feel His love, too.
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